new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FUCK WHALES
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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