I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
