Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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