Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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