turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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