Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
