Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
