for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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