I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
