I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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