i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
