im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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