Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
