The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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