Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
