it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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