just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
