Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
