Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
