you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
