she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
