My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
