the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
