i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
