Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
