Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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