A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
