do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
