i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
