you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
