somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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