i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
