can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
