I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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