I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
