laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
