shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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