The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
