Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
