Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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