You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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