I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
