i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
