The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
