I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
