Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
