ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
