these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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