Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
