i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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