Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
