lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
