careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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