If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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