Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
