One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
