I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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